Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think my mom watched the whole time
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
