I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
