do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
