What did we do last night that was yellow?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
