My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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