If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
