your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
