I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
