we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
