I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
