Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
