Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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