Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Still dying that you shit outside
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
