when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
