So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
