god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
