Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
