they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize