She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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