I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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