We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
