Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
