My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
