So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
