I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
