He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
