she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I did not marry a roomba.
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