OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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