He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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