There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
