i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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