I love black thongs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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