i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
