im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
