We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
