There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
