so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
