don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize