have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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