Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
