if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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