If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
