btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
