dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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