I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
