she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
