Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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