There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
