filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
