You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
