The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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