Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
