dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
