You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
