where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
