she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
