taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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