I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
