he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
