Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
