Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
