Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
