What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
