if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
