Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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