Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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