i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
