Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
