I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
