Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Randomize
