Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize