We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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