Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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