so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
