I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
