Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize