the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
