Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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