He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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