i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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