i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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