i just made my gag reflex go away.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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