How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
