1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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