Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
