i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
