I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
