im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im holly from the hills drunk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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