He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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