watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
