okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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