I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
