I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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