My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize