apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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