Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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