if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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