Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
