I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
