dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
