areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize