READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
