I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
